Here Goes My Senior Year
Today might be the scariest day of my life so far. Ahhh! I’ve made it through 11 years of school to come to the point of wondering why the hell I, and my brainwashed classmates needed to go through this learning system. Although I have many fears that are riddled from many questions and ponderings, not just about the future and what my senior year will hold, but my past and how it will effect this year, this month, hell, today. And then of course there is the future. Do I go to college like my pushy parent so desires for me? Or do I skip out on this lonely town and leave for the adventure of a lifetime? The adventurer that I’ve always dreamed of. Well anyways, there’s today. Let’s just start here.
Ok ok ok. I can’t leave you hanging on why im anxious about my past so let’s get you informed. Last year, junior year, was absolutely incredible! At least most of it. Ok. Some of it. It started off extremely rough. My best friend Ashley’s parents got a divorce after 23 years of marriage with 2 kids. My mom unexpectedly died from cancer which devastated my family and our entire community that likes to blame God for tragic events. To say the least, my entire life was halted and internal confusion and depression ruled my life. That is, until this boy. This one boy named Bo. Who also happens to be Ashley’s brother. Kinda weird. I know. Unusual. I know. But but but. It’s Bo. Dreamy. Sweet. Caring. And most importantly, I can hold a conversation with him that doesn’t lead to the unwrapping of a package as a means for him to brag, or just get some. Even though we were both going through traumatic events, it never seemed to shake his joy, nor his compassion for those who seemed to inflict the trauma. Bo has a completely different way of looking at life that honestly reached down to the depths of my soul and bright light in the my darkness.
Anyways, in the midst of my darkness, just say three fourths of my junior year, I made some pretty horrible decisions. Everything from sleeping around, trying multiple types of drugs, in search for a glimpse of hope, an escape from the utter numbness I felt. Will my friends remember how I treated them, or will they have forgiven me? Will I be a loner this year. But what about Bo? He’s graduated and started his own house cleaning business in Fort Wayne, IN. Although he’s not far away, his new endeavour keeps him just occupied enough that I barely get to see him.
Are you starting to see why I’m freaking out? Last years shitty choices may come back to haunt me, and the one person who understands me most, my safe-zone where I feel most alive, isn’t with me.
Anyways back to today. Ashley and I luckily have the same lunch hour and a PE together so that helps, but we will see. She hasn’t quite bounced back as well as I have. Although she has a man, Bo’s childhood friend Andrew, him and Bo are nothing alike. Over the summer, Ashley and Andrew got arrested, on more than one occasion. Seriously? She’s still my gifted and beautiful bestie, and I would never defriend her on Facebook, but I’m just not sure how trustworthy she is right now during this “badass” stage of her life.
Well, I guess that’s a lot of drama for one day to chew on, but now you are informed on why my mind anxiously races back and forth about this day.
The start of my senior year.
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